the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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