oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
