he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
