genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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