he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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