4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
