two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
