I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
