This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
