I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize