I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
