i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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