I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
