You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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