Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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