When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize