mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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