I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
