I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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