I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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