we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
