awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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