haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
