bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
