Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
