he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
