i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
