got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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