Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize