He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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