I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
