i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
