Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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