people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
