I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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