I look better un-naked...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
