This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
worst night to have a conscience
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
