I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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