he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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