Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
