I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize