here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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