I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
whose parrot is this?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
