You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize