That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
