Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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