cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
