It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
