I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
