the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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