I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
