did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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