the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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