I can't watch pbs sober anymore
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
