I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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