Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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