They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
