You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
