So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
