Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
