we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
