Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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