I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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