I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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