i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
