Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
