that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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