Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
