The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
