I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
