My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
