We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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