so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize