I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
