i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
