we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
