It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
are you so shy because you have an std?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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