just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
