we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize