Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
