he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize