Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
