my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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