I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize