I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
