Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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