okay pat passed out under dana's car
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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