Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize