You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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