she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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