pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
