if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
