What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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