According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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