This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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