We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
