Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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