I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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