SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
