meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
