There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
