just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You don't make any sense
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