Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
