tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
