Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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