remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
