Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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