Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
