So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
