Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize