Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
