I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
