she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I am naked and annoyed.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
