We're facebook friends in real life
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
