Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I wear drunk well.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
