I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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