oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
