matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize