i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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