Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
